"What do you plan to do with your future?"
I went to an Arab-American comedy night and there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football.
"I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else’s god?"
This is what jokes about religion are supposed to look like.
So I learned from my friend that coconut water can be used as an emergency blood transfusion, and of course my first thought was “So, can a vampire drink coconut water?”
and of course we had this idea of these tropical vampires being horrified when these old world vampires come and are still drinking blood like some sort of monster.
guys oh my god
"Say hi to your parents for me!" is the most commonly ignored request.
Probably the worst types of people are the ones that shut you down to make themselves look cooler than you, for example if you get excited and squeal and they’re like “woah what was that..” or if you talk loudly because you’re passionate about something and they say “relax dude wow” and then give a look… Like fuck off stop trying to act so cool and collected. You don’t seem more mature you just seem fucking boring and monotonously placid.
identical twins have so much power tbh last year my lab partner steve came in with pierced ears and everyone was like whoa steve when did u get them pierced and he was like i’ve had them for 3 years. i’m not steve. and he just sat down and started taking notes. the next day steve came in and was like did u guys see my brother jake yesterday lmao we switched schools